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I hope that helps. Men that enjoy being physically dominant do exist and they can be well loving as well.

DeeMarie? mentioned my unease about calling myself submissive. I must admit that since I wrote the two articles in which I almost(?) called myself “dominant” I have become just as uneasy about using that word, too, if not more! I find both words highly unsatisfactory. I am definitely not dominant in the sense of wanting to control people, but I am definitely not submissive in the sense that some people seem to interpret that word either. I'm not an ultra-soft, wishy-washy doormat type who will fall to my knees obediently the moment any man calling himself “dominant” happens along.

So perhaps Noone has the right idea in not using those words at all, just using “man” and “woman”. ;-)

by Sarah Cavendish on 2004 Dec 21 - 09:47 | reply to this comment No Way of Knowing A man has no way of knowing that unless you make it clear, Dee. I know you'd like to think of men as almost godlike in their power over women, but they are certainly not mind readers. When you best a man in a debate, if he's a smart and worthwhile man, he will probably be turned on by your brains. A dominant man won't be turned off either because to dominant men a smart and strong submissive woman is a prize. I think the reason you haven't found your alpha man yet is that you have very unrealistic expectations.

No man, dominant or not, is going to interpret your winning an intellectual debate as a bid to take physical control of you. You are going to be single forever unless because you face this fact. You've got to put your wants out there to men and maybe then the one you are looking for might emerge.

In nature, alpha females may submit to alpha males, but their advantage in life is not having the strongest guy around by their sides to push them around. Their advantage is that they dominate other females, and contribute alpha male babies to the gene pool. Their babies have the "connections" and genetic strength to become the next generation's leaders. Read Jane Goodall.

"Pat"