california doublelist

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Her: “I have a lot of piercings and tattoos too!”

Me: “I bet you don’t have more than me.”

Her: “Yes I do!”

And she pulls up her shirt to show me her tattoos…

Me: “Aww, that’s so cute. You learned how to draw on yourself with a magic marker.”

Shocked, she licks her hand and wipes across her tattoos, trying to prove that they’re real…

Me: “Oh, so you got a temporary tattoo? Where‘d you get it from? The bubblegum ball machine?”

I smile and walk away.

The Drunken Russian introduces me to one of his frat asshole buddies. We joke around. I go back over to the tattoo girl, this time making a comment to her hot blonde friend…

Me: “So I hear that you and your friend like to draw on tattoos with crayons.”

She looks at me snobily and goes back to drinking her drink. Do I try to force it? Nope. I just drop back. And what happens a few minutes later? This very same girl comes grabbing on my arm, trying to dance with me, while I ignore her. Why didn’t I make a move on her? Before I got back to her, I realized that she was obviously wasted, and her friends actually ended up carrying her out of the bar.

Still fucking around with the frat asshole. We see a girl wearing a scarf and nothing more…

Me: “IS YOUR NECK COLD!?”

I then touch her scarf and laugh. The frat asshole and I give each other high fives.

Walking around. More girls…

Me: “High five!”

Girls: “It’s our friends birthday!”

Me: “Great, now buy me a drink!”

I introduce them to The Peacemaker…

Girls: “What are your names?”

Me: “Salt & Pepper.”